GarageBand for iPad?

I’m sure Apple has already thought of this. iLife — or at least bits of it — for iPad can’t be far behind.

Still, permit me my wee revelation for today:

No, Really, iPad Critics: Just STFU!

*whining keen* Oh it’s not open! Oh it has no webcam! Oh it lacks USB ports! Oh it can’t run Flash! *whine whine whine*

I was around when the Mac was released. Back in 1984.

All of the gripes today have an irritating similarity to back then.

*condescending sneer* A mouse? I can use a keyboard! Who need icons? I can type my commands! Who wants to paint on a computer? *sneer sneer sneer*

Really, just STFU. You were annoying back then and you’re triply so today, over twenty-five years later.

99% of those Mac haters are now sitting in front of a box using a mouse and icons and windows. The 1% are the hardcore wanking at the CLI of Linux.

You people don’t matter. You’re techies. You’re plumbers. Your notion of what constitutes useful tech is the same as that of a custom car tinkerer who sneers at a Prius.

I sit here using a graphical web page interface to the WordPress blogging system. You would have me using something like vi to compose the text and then have me dick around with FTP for upload.

You’re simply irrelevant to the real world of people who look to tech to accomplish things.

You want openness and USB and even Flash? Go buy the Notion Ink Adam. Have you heard of it? It runs that “open” Android OS.

All the billions of electrons wasted on cranking about the iPad — where were all of you to wank over the Notion Ink? None of you posted about it. Because if you had, you would have referenced it to contrast it to the iPad in your whiny posts.

So just STFU.

The rest of us want the iPad because we can get excited and do things.

We want to have fun too.

And we want to do those things without wasting time trying to contort our products as a cheap exercise in ego-gratification.

You’re dismissed. Go away.

It’s Time To Laugh At Microsoft Again

Now really, doesn’t this look like crap —

— compared to this —

Have a laugh at the video after the break.

Apple And eBooks: A Horror Story

This is the most difficult post I’ve ever had to write.

Steve Jobs hates ePub. He hates eBooks.

How can anyone with his refined sense of taste not hate them?

They’re an abomination. A tasteless — and incompetent — techie committee solution to electronic books.

Seriously, can any of you see Apple creating ePub? (If you can, leave now. You don’t know Jobs or Apple.)

And iBooks? iBooks?!!!?

From the company that gave us the delightful CoverFlow …

… we now get shelves?!

What tnkgrl Says!

My take on the iPad

First, let’s look at the hardware. As an engineer I don’t think anyone else could have pulled off a device like this – not for $500!

She has experienced plenty of gadgets. This is one of the best writeups I’ve read.

iPad: The Missing Heart Of It

Credit goes to Vincent Nguyen of SlashGear for asking a dangerous question during a demo of the new iWork Keynote app on the iPad.

It parted the mist in my mind and revealed the missing heart of the iPad.

It happens at near the 4:30 mark in his 15-minute video here.

iPad: The Portable Personal Social Computer

This is my reaction to seeing the Stevenote. I will save the bit about iPad and books til tomorrow.

This is the bit where some people got it:

Click = big

That’s Stephen Fry there. Entirely coincidental. I didn’t highlight the guy next to him even though he has the same expression of delight because I suspect that’s Jon Ive himself. Look at that woman. And the guy. They’re kvelling!

iPad: What Is Wrong With This Picture?

Updated! See after the break.

I’m finally able to watch the Stevenote video. Thanks to a kind soul who ignored Apple’s Copyright and posted it on YouTube, where I can rip it to an MP4 file that this crap PC can actually handle and let me watch. (Yes, Apple, I know I can get it from you for free via iTunes — but it’s 1.05GB and my PC can’t handle the strength of that gorgeous hi-res video!)

This is a slow process. I’ve been watching for over an hour and am less than halfway through. Because I’m analyzing as I watch.

The New York Times just came out and preened over its head-up-their-ass app. I noticed something that’s wrong throughout it. I can’t say yet if it’s only The New York Times app that’s wrong or if this is an issue at the heart of the iPad itself.

Anyway, look at this picture. See if you can see what’s very, very wrong here. Ignore the blur. It should still be evident. I saw it right off. Leave a Comment.

The Unfinished iPad

Sherlock Holmes would call this a two or even three pipe problem.

I understand what Apple is doing with ePub. That bit is now all clear to me and I’ll post about that later.

But there are too many bits here I don’t understand at all.

The Stevenote video hasn’t been posted at Apple yet. I had to rely on a faulty live audio feed today that took up so much of this crap PC’s CPU that I couldn’t even monitor live blogs at the same time.

So, there are many gaps in my knowledge of what took place today.

But still, looking over Apple’s site, something is really bugging me.

This iPad isn’t finished. Something is missing. Something more is coming.

And there’s going to be another Apple event before this goes on sale.

I need to think about this. Another post tomorrow.

iBooks: I Am Not Happy

No. No no no no no no.

Not ePub.

No.

This is all wrong.

I’ll have another post about this later.

But for now: No. This is all wrong.